Better 2nd Day

Anders was sitting nicely and quietly in the line for the bathroom when we arrived yesterday.  Upon seeing us, however, he mustered a crying jag.  We could tell that it was for show, not real like on Tuesday.  He showed me that the "2" was missing on the masking tape letters chart yesterday.  The "8" had been replaced, fortunately.  Some kids said, "Goodbye Anders."  He told us that all the kids in the class were his friends.  Our arrival triggered some of the other kids to start missing their parents, so I was sorry to do that to the teachers.  Anders ate better, but had a few accidentes.  Oh well, that's just part of it. They said he was looking at his watch all day.  He actually was a bit perturbed that we arrived early rather than exactly at 3 pm as we told him we would.  We went swimming later, which he enjoyed.  He ordered me out of the wading pool to play by himself, which involved picking out and counting leaves that had fallen in an earlier wind storm.  Anders even got in trouble with the lifeguard for running!  That's probably the proudest I've been of him all week.  I then walked him over and showed him Rule #11, which states "no running." 

Anders continues to point out our faults.  He told us yesterday and me again today that Mommy had turned into the Walmart parking lot rather than going to school yesterday morning (which is pretty fascinating to me since school and Walmart are not near each other...).  He reminded me this morning that I mistook the letter T for the number 7 a few days ago in his fuzzy (alphabet) puzzle.  Anders still remembers a time this spring, probably April, when I asked for no ice in our water as we ordered food at the zoo.  Why is this worth remembering and discussing months later?  He remembers EVERYTHING!  At this point, Dan Seeley is saying, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

We are not in a drought down here.  The weather is the same every day: mid 90s for highs, 700% humidity, threats of pop up storms, high 70s for lows.  I've done some yard work around the house, and it's amazing the variety of insects that come out at night to bite you.  We did not have all these critters last year when it was 102 and sunny with blast furnace rather than the locker room heat and humidity of this summer.  I half expect an old guy with a towel around his shoulder and nothing else on to saunter down the sidewalk to his house and start drying off in the yard.  If you've ever been in a mixed-age men's locker room you know what I'm talking about--Dan Seeley is nodding his head.  

What did you like about today? Nothing.

Things went as expected, not better, not worse.  Anna has convinced Anders to give it a try again on day 2.  One of his teachers, Ms. Michelle, said Anders was looking at his watch all day.  He pushed some buttons on it so that it read "7" rather than the time.  Anders liked his turkey sandwich, carrots, and cinnamon sticks, but did not like his orange or sour apple sauce.  He also did not partake of the petting zoo.  Anders took a short 50 minute nap.  We we arrived to pick him up, I scooped Anders up in my arms.  Through his tears and the circles under his eyes, he told me about the malfunctioning watch, then he told me that the number 8 was missing from the floor.  Indeed, the number 7 and 9 were written in tape on the floor, but 8 was missing. 
Anna commented that everything seemed much more crisp and organized on our return trip this afternoon.  I agree with that assessment. 
We took Anders to McDonald's for ice cream after "school," and then I took him to the pool.  These events made the unpleasantness of school only one part of his day.  
I am interested to see how tomorrow morning goes. 

Anders Starts School

We took Anders to "school" for his first day today.  Let's just call it what it really is, daycare.  Anders did not remember when the day began what today meant.  Then, at breakfast, he asked me what day it was and I said Tuesday and he started to cry.  I diverted him by playing with his new favorite toy, the cash register.
Anders liked Anna's list of four things he needed to do in the morning before we left: brush teeth, eat, change clothes, bathroom, and the like.  He enjoyed his cookie monster backpack.  Anders, however, talked himself into the idea that it was a long drive to daycare, which it is not.  Anna had him wear his watch, so he knows that we will return at 3 pm.
It is a hard day for all of us.  First, Anna though she smelled marijuana in the parking lot.  It was not cannabis, but some other damp weed.  Then, Anna was ticked off that they didn't seem to know we were coming.  We we got to the room only one of the three "teachers" was there.  A second was scheduled to arrive at 8:30 am and the third was out on maternity leave. 
One of the other kids, Zachary, tried to engage Anders in play.  Anders retreated to numbersletters.  Anders did not cry, though, and I think we can thank a little girl who was already crying.  Anders saw how unbecoming that looked.  The crying girl eventually stopped and seemed interested in Anders.  After Anna taught the teacher how to say "Anders," which took many repetitions, we turned to leave.  Anna did not look back.  I did.  The look Anders gave me almost turned me to a pillar of salt. 
We left Anders every day at the hospital for three months, but this was so much harder.  He's been with us, at home, everyday, since Oct. 29, 2009--Anders Liberation Day.  We can't go anywhere and not hear his voice and commentary in our heads.  I'm hoping this is harder on us than on Anders, but I would not count on it. 
Anders, however, needs the socialization.  He needs to mix it up with other kids.  Anders needs to believe we will always return for him.  This is good, it's natural, and it's time.  I feel like he has graduated today to the next stage of his development.  I felt much better about things about 30 minutes after we left.  I know I'll feel much worse after we pick him up and try to get him to go back tomorrow. 
The guilt side of things tells me that we have abdicated our responsibility to protect him.  We protected him from the odd bad nurse in the hospital.  We protected him from the public turn the swine flu outbreak.  We protected him from Appalachia in general until we moved.  I know that we will still be vigilant and diligent, but I have a lot of irrational thoughts.  And I know that I'd only get the silver in this house for irrational thoughts. 
It's good, it's necessary, and it's time.  I'll just repeat that mantra all day until we pick him up.  When he feel aggrieved Anders combines the Minnesota Rage of Anna with my ability to fly off the handle so this should be a fun afternoon.  Ugh.